Miss Manners: She contaminated the soup and then got petulant with me

DEAR MISS MANNERS Once a month I make a four-gallon pot of soup for my small church public Related Articles Miss Manners The frustrating tennis tournament is a dark cloud in my life Miss Manners The secret about my new house got out and now things are awkward at work Miss Manners The bride s mother sent me a bill How should I respond Miss Manners Am I the only one who has this kind of restroom encounter Miss Manners Is there a way to discourage this man s witticism at my expense When planning the soup I keep in mind the a large number of food sensitivities that members of the region have and still manage to serve a tasty variety of soups At present a member served herself a large bowl of soup seasoned it took a minimal bites then dumped the remainder of her soup back into the pot I approached her and requested her why she had done that and she reported it was more than she could eat I notified her she should have dumped the extra soup in the compost bucket I reported her to never do that again She acted as though I was being rude For food safety I should have dumped the entire pot of soup into the compost but I did not I warned another member that the soup was no longer free of the seasoning she is allergic to and apologized because she looks forward to my allergen-free soup How should I have handled the culprit GENTLE READER You should have been polite to the errant member Perhaps you were though your lack of interest in asserting that you were and your use of words like culprit make Miss Manners wonder A polite correction would still have allowed you to make the woman understand that her thoughtlessness meant other people were going to go hungry But it would have been done with a sad tone not an angry one using phrases of apology not confrontation It would also have emphasized consideration for church members with allergies not your own anger about wasting the time you put into the preparation If apologizing to this culprit seems counterintuitive Miss Manners asks you to consider the alternative Do you want to be polite and change this person s behavior Or do you want to be rude and by going on the attack give her a valid grievance DEAR MISS MANNERS I have changed from working at a veterinary clinic in a lower socioeconomic area to one in a more affluent area I have noticed that when I refer my patients to the local specialist hospital the hospital staff members are much more polite and respectful than they were when I called from my old clinic This upsets me on behalf of my previous clients as they and their animals deserve the same cure and respect as my new patients Is there a way to gently encourage the hospital staff to be less concerned with the status of the area that the patients are from GENTLE READER Yes but if you want to avoid being called naive about the fact that money talks you will have to play naive Related Articles Dear Abby My gaslighting husband reported the police came to our house because of what I did I didn t make these Sam s Club purchases and I have the perfect alibi United Airlines changed our flight and now we can t make our connection Asking Eric I didn t realize my family was following my comments online Harriette Cole My cousin concluded his wife s lies about me As a referring veterinarian you will at various point be required to share your thoughts on the hospital in question No matter the form this takes questionnaires from the hospital itself informal discussions at your new clinic whatever include particular negative examples about the facility s customer institution from your days at the old practice Do so without mentioning where the patients involved were from Given your status this will cause concern and follow-up from the hospital Even if the reasons for the disparate cure turn out not to be as simple as you suspect the hospital staff will realize your new clinic is speaking for the broader population Miss Manners persons all patients and facilities will benefit from this realization Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website www missmanners com to her email gentlereader missmanners com or through postal mail to Miss Manners Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO