Harriette Cole: Why aren’t my sons dating? I even offered to pay for it.

DEAR HARRIETTE I have twin sons who are in college at different schools They are good kids but a bit young for their age I don t think either of them has ever dated Related Articles Harriette Cole This eager participant has become a distraction in class Harriette Cole My sister is stalking again and I can t deal with it Harriette Cole I m sorry my friend is mad but she brought this on herself Harriette Cole Why am I being blamed for my friend s hurt feelings Harriette Cole I just want them to admit the truth about my childhood I have unfailingly taught them that they should have enough money to take a woman out on a date and right now they aren t working I offered to give them selected cash to help them in situation they do want to take someone on a date but so far neither has taken me up on it Have I done something wrong as a mother Why are they so delayed Arrested Rise DEAR ARRESTED MATURATION Everyone matures at their own pace There is nothing you can do to quicken it nor should you try Give your sons space to get their development and build their lives You can encourage them to meet people and make friends but there s no reason to push them into anyone s arms until they are ready If they seem content in their lives let them be Keep the conversation open so that you learn if there is someone gripping to either of them Trust that in time someone special may come along DEAR HARRIETTE My daughter graduated from college a scant months ago She got her first career job and decided to move out I advised her to stay at my home a while longer and use the opportunity to save chosen money but she desired to be on her own so I supported her decision In the last few days I decided that I might use her bedroom as a sewing space I set up two desks and a small shelving unit I shared the news with my daughter and she was offended She keeps saying that she s barely left and I m pushing her out I haven t removed any of her furniture her bed and knickknacks are still in place for whenever she wants to visit I tried to remind my daughter that I never requested her to leave in the first place but apparently that doesn t mean much now that I ve taken over her room How do I reassure my daughter that despite the addition of a sewing table there will inevitably be room for her here Taking Over Related Articles Dear Abby I don t want kids but then who will take care of me when I m old Asking Eric I m still hung up about what happened on my birthday Harriette Cole This eager attendee has become a distraction in class Miss Manners They barely know me but they ve decided I should be married Dear Abby I m afraid to tell my mom who my new boyfriend is DEAR TAKING OVER Don t allow yourself to feel guilty Your daughter made her decision and you have made yours Honestly it is even OK for you to put her knickknacks away and turn the room fully into your sewing room Leaving a bed there for her to sleep in when she visits is practical and kind and will assure her that she is welcome and remembered You can remain a safety net for her without allowing her to hold your house hostage You can do this with compassion It was a big deal for her to move out and she is showing you her fear of cutting this cord so to speak Assure her that you will inevitably be there for her You are proud of her courage to go out there on her own and she is consistently welcome to come home Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams You can send questions to askharriette harriettecole com or c o Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO