Dear Abby: Sparring partners looking for mediator

Dear Abby My husband and I have been married years For the past year or so we quarrel about everything major issues and minor insignificant things There is nothing but bickering disagreement and conflict We can have a couple of good days and then fight over specific small issue or an innocent response or comment from one of us and in seconds we re arguing Several major issues are instant triggers but there s also resentment hurt feelings and awful things we ve noted to each other I think we still love each other but I don t think we like each other very much We both feel a mediator is what we need someone to hear both sides and make a judgment as to whose position is more valid We have tried to find one not a therapist or marriage counselor We ve done several research only to find therapists who specialize in drug addiction young couples and dysfunctional families and they are all younger than our grown children We need someone who is at least experienced and trained to listen to both sides of an issue and who can be objective without indeed taking sides and give us a answer or opinion on how we can work through the issues amicably How do we go about this Trying to Fix It in the West Dear Trying I admire that you two are trying to resolve your marital difficulties and that you recognize that you need help What you need is a marriage and family therapist Ask your specialist to refer you to a few who are licensed and preferably older Interview several and see which one you and your husband are calm talking to The input you are looking for is within their purview particularly because you are looking for compromise Dear Abby I am a senior man living next door to a slightly older woman We live in lakefront homes and enjoy being progressing together in the water during our retirement years In recent weeks I was looking out the window and saw an alligator swimming by about yards away Alligators are almost unknown in our part of the lake but they are known to live in the area Should I tell my neighbor that I saw an alligator which will cause her so much fear that she may never want to swim again If she does continue to swim will she dwell so heavily on the danger that I will have ruined any remaining gratification she gets from being in the water On the other hand if I don t tell her she could be placing herself in danger Obviously I would miss my friend and feel terrible if anything happened to her Please advise Vigilant in Texas Dear Vigilant Which is more major Your neighbor s life or her swimming If you don t warn her about what you saw and she loses a toe a foot an arm or her life how will you feel then Please SPEAK UP P S Do YOU plan to continue swimming where there are alligators Think YOU could be bitten too Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren also known as Jeanne Phillips and was founded by her mother Pauline Phillips Contact Dear Abby at www DearAbby com or P O Box Los Angeles CA